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At times I wondered why someone would want to
stay married forever. After experiencing the trials of life
together, I finally understood...
Several years into my
second marriage, I found myself wondering what the long-term purpose of
marriage was. I wondered what it took to make a marriage last forever.
And, I began to wonder why anyone would want to be married to the
same person forever!
This marriage was much
better than my first one, but during the hard times, I still wondered if
it would survive. Sometimes it seemed like it would be easier to be by
myself, be able to do things my way, and not have to deal with someone
else’s problems.
I wanted to know what the
real meaning of marriage was, because now in my second marriage I was
experiencing some of the same trials I experienced in my first marriage.
What was the substance that made people even try to stay married
forever, through the hard times?
The first years of our
relationship were like a fairy tale. Prince Charming came into my life
and made me feel like a princess. We were an instant match. We were so
in love we couldn’t see straight! All of our time was spent with each
other. We eventually said our vows and committed ourselves to one
another.
Over time, our fairy tale
was replaced with real life. We went through many of life’s joys and
sorrows. We discovered that marriage in real life includes times that are
very difficult to go through. It was hard to be married during some of
the hard times. Sometimes all we had was each other to get through
them—and sometimes it didn’t seem like that was enough.
In our marriage, we
experienced ‘for richer or poorer.’ At one point, we were in so much debt
we didn’t know how we were going to make it. The emotional toll that debt
placed on us was unlike any other. It stretched us individually and as a
family.
We found strength in our
faith and each other. Together we learned what we needed to do to handle
our money better. We changed our spending habits, kept putting one foot
in front of the other, and steadily paid off our debt. After several long
years we paid off our debt. We accomplished going from ‘poorer’ to
‘richer’ together.
We experienced “in sickness
and in health.’ For more than 5 years, I was stricken with an illness
that put my life on hold. My days were spent in pain, trying every
medical and natural way to get better. My husband stood with me. He
never wavered in his commitment to his family and me. His love kept me
going when I didn’t know if I could keep fighting the pain, day after long
day.
I felt guilty being married
sometimes because I was unable to be a full-time partner. I felt I wasn’t
giving my husband all that he needed or deserved in a mate. Nevertheless,
he continued to reassure me that he still wanted me and loved me and that
he had no plans on going anywhere with anyone except me. He genuinely
loved me. He stood with me until I finally got over the ‘sickness’ and we
made it together to ‘health’ again.
We experienced ‘for better
or worse,’ too. My husband went through a period of being unemployed.
During this time, we both lost our sense of purpose. Our worldly identity
was taken away from us. We never realized how much of our identity,
especially my husband’s, was based on his job. We were just shells of
ourselves, waiting to be filled again with a purpose, a direction …a job!
My husband struggled
through every day. He sent out resumes and fought off feelings of
rejection when no one responded. He was losing his self-confidence. I
stood by him during this time and encouraged him. I reassured him and
reminded him of all he was—a successful businessperson, a great father, a
loving husband, and an admirable man. He finally found a job. The
‘worse’ time was over and together we were ‘better’ again.
During these and many other
trials of our lives, my husband and I grew. Each trial knit us closer
together. The fairy tale prince was transformed into a loving, faithful,
and strong partner to go through life’s ups and downs with. The princess
became a reliable mate who would stand by her prince’s side no matter what
came at them.
Our marriage was itself a
living entity that experienced ebbs and flows. As partners, we were
together through times of joy, fulfillment, sexual satisfaction, and
companionship; times of irritation where we simply tolerated each other;
and times when we needed to be each other’s strength and held each other
up.
Underscored during these
times in our marriage was a commitment to each other that was
unquestionable. Through this commitment, our love developed and grew
deeper with each passing experience. The substance of a lasting marriage
was formed. This love may have started as a fairy tale but real life
added to it the components of appreciation, devotion, dependability, and
stability that developed it to a love deeper than words can describe—a
proven, time-tested love that can grow only with time and experience.
There are no shortcuts.
My girlish fantasy was
replaced by a mature reality that showed me that the ultimate purpose of
marriage is to become partners in this thing called ‘life.’ Marriage,
like life, is not fun all of the time. But, as long as we remain
partners, we can make it though anything that it throws at us. The
comfort and security of knowing that we will be there for each other no
matter what struggles we will encounter is priceless.
Now, after nearly twenty
years of marriage my husband and I have a life history behind us. We
experienced growing pains during this time together. As we fulfilled the
marriage vows that we made to one another, the long-term purpose of
marriage became clear to me and I see why someone would want to be married
forever.
Each day our love continues
to deepen and our marriage becomes stronger. As we continue through the
ultimate commitment of our marriage, ‘til death do us part,’ we will make
more history together as partners in this life. I look forward to
experiencing the new levels of closeness our relationship will bring us.
Now, after all of these years of marriage, my question is—why wouldn’t
everyone want to be married forever?
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